How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
