So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
