I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
