What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
