Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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