NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
