it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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