He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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