don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
