You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
