Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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