Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
