watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
