How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
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Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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