i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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