??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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