hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This is not my ceiling
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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