Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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