don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Randomize
