i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
