weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
