Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
