how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
