I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
