new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
