Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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