I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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