I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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