They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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