Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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