So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
