when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
