Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
