So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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