The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
