You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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