note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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