Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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