Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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