forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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