YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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