You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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