You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize