fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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