If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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