just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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