just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
