Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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