So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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