Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
