why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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