so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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