Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
