I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
