I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
