Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Couch. On fire.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
