U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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