i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
