miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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