I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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