some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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